Hello

another blog, but it’s private. I made it so I could tell the little girl that I babysit what I am up to while I am at school. I haven’t updated in a while, but now I made it to include her younger sister…that I also babysit. I figure it will update them on what I am doing now and remind them what happened down the road when they forget.

I am going to vomit… I leave for NACURH Friday morning… I feel really unprepared. I am still getting things together… I need to pack my room up for the summer…tomorrow I need to do laundry… and pack for NACURH and ugh!!!! 

I’ll probably be fine… it’s just kicking in now though.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i feel like my life is going really slow, compared to other people, but really fast for me. my younger cousin is pregnant with her second kid is engaged. my other cousin is moving in with her boyfriend,…. i guess those are only two people but still as of right now i have as of this year lived away from my parents….in the res halls, not an apt or something and yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  i’m glad i don’t have kids maybe when i graduate….maybe. At the same time I AM ALMOST DONE WITH MY SOPHOMORE YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!

I love how things some how just turn out for the best. Last night I went to see Mara Keisling speak, she was amazing. Because of the awesome nature of Mara’s speech I wanted to go to the “Dine and Discuss” that would be happening during lunch today. I had class but I figured that because the class I has during that time didn’t have an attendance policy I would skip class to see Mara talk again because I only had so many chances to hear her talk. I skipped my first class and listened to Mara speak, I went for an hour and then planned on going to my next classes. I walked to the building that my class was in and then decided that I would go with my friend to drive   Mara to the Airport, so she wouldn’t have to drive back to school alone, and also to hang with Mara some more (she is HILARIOUS). Who goes to a keynote speaker and thinks i’m probably going to drive him/her/hir to the airport? Not me, but it made for a pretty bad ass day.

I’m wide awake at 4am and all I can think about is how it’s been over 3 year since I’ve made out with anyone… :/

there is a guy at school that reminds me of my ex-boyfriend like super similar…like looks, personality, everything. There are a few differences but not many. No one at school knows my ex and no one from home knows this guy. I wish someone did so I could see if it’s just me or they really are super similar.

I have been way more emotional than usual lately. It’s probably because of the passing of my great grandmother. But it’s not just her death. I am just feeling way more emotional that I have ever before. I usually hide how I’m feeling even when I am alone I don’t cry. But now I do. I found out Friday morning that my grandma passed and at first while on the phone with my mom I was fine, then she told me that everyone had just left Hospice, so no family was there, I was sad until she said that the nurse was with her the whole time, holding her hand, I lost it. My great grandma was one of my best friends, she was amazing and loving. After getting off the phone with my mom I thought I would go back to sleep but I spent a decent majority of the morning crying. Friday night I worked, I had friends who said that they would cover, but at that moment I would rather have the distraction of working, (I am an RA, so I had friends over to hang between shifts) the night was good and the friends were goofy. Saturday I dyed some of my friends hair. Later that night I went to a dance party. Sunday night I had meetings. The weekend consisted of distraction, and a little homework. Monday I went to most of my classes and then caught the 3 hour bus ride home. I wish I would not have rode alone, it was too much time alone, and I thought I was going to burst out in tears on a bus full of strangers a few times. I think the thing that got me was that I was going home to say goodbye to my great grandma for forever. I had hoped to come home for spring break in a few weeks and just go visit her and help her with some word searches. In the back of my head I knew that wasn’t going to happen and in a way I had a feeling that she would be passing when my mom told me she hadn’t really woken at all the day before. I am still dealing with it, and I wish I knew how to be more open with people. I can listen for forever and a half and try to give the best advice I can, but when it come to opening up about myself I just don’t know how.

Some bands/songs remind me of my ex-boyfriend, and I don’t like that. I want to listen to some of my favorite songs and not think of him.

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I told my friend last night that the only reason I have sheets (the top sheet rather) on my bed is because it’s a social norm. I don’t use that shit. I just put it on there so if other people see my bed they don’t think I am a freak with no sheets.